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Mom Guilt....Why It's Bullshit

Listen, I'm not going to sit here and sugar coat it....


That feeling of trying to build something from nothing (aka entrepreneurship) well, it's fucking hard. Then add being a wife, mom AND your own person on top of it...


Well, that can seem impossible.


Honestly, most of the time it legit FEELS impossible.

The Truth

We are all doing the best we can with what we have right now, in this very moment.


YOU are doing the best you can with what you have right now, in this very moment.


There is always going to be that feeling of guilt that creeps in, sits in the forefront of your brain screaming to you like you are Mommy freakin' Dearest,


"You coldhearted bitch of a mom, you. How dare you tell your children that you can't take them to see a movie this afternoon because you have work to do. Who do you think you are? This is NOT why you started doing what you are doing. You started your business to be home with them, not to reject their desires"


When in reality, all that you are actually saying to your kids is,


"Sorry babe, mom's got work to do, but let's plan on going to see the new Aladdin movie on Friday. We can get popcorn and an Icee and sit in the first row, just how you like."

(Even though sitting in the front row comes with not being able to move your neck for 3 days, it's a small price to pay for the joy it brings them)


Why are we so hard on ourselves?


What is it that is hard-wired in our brain, that makes it ok and dare I say, the norm, to allow these dramatic and negative thoughts to take over our emotions?


Why don't the dads feel this way?


Why is it that our husbands can work 40-60 hours a week OUTSIDE of the home and not speak to themselves this way?


Why is it that they get praised for being "hard workers" and us moms get the old "Well, isn't that taking a lot of time away from the kids?"


I'll tell you why, because it's bullshit.


DNA

Women are FULL of emotions and intuition. This can be our best quality, but it can also be our biggest enemy.


We have a biological need to nurture and care for others.


This "need to nurture" as women is both hard-wired and encouraged from girls at a super early age. The desire to nurture is natural and healthy, but when you start to let it take over your life, it becomes a problem.


We've all heard the saying, "too much anything is a bad thing"


Many women who let their children and husbands needs consume them and become the meaning of their life, end up unhappy when all is said and done. Meaning, when the kids are adults, grown up, out of the house and ready to take on the world, us moms...well, all too often they are left with a feeling of...."What now?"


An empty feeling. All because they were so consumed with making sure that everyone ELSE they love and care about, needs were met. But, now...3/4 of those people don't need them anymore.


So...now what?


See, your desire to nurture and take care of your family is a healthy and wonderful thing. It is one of God's greatest gifts to women...being compassionate and intuitive.



That gut feeling that something isn't quite right with your teenager.


That feeling in your belly that you need to give your toddler some extra attention today.


The desire to make your husband comfortable when he comes home from work because you know he had a hard day.


All good things. All healthy and beautiful things.


When it starts to become a problem?


When not one of those burning desires includes you as the subject.


Not one of those burning desires has your dreams attached to those nurturing thoughts.


Not one of those burning desires has a plan on how you can fill up mommy's cup today.


This is a problem.


Your Dreams

Whether your dream is to own a fortune 500 company, or start an Etsy shop, or lose 30 pounds or write a novel, or write a blog post that will change people's way of thinking, whatever the hell your dream is...don't worry about how everyone else you care about is going to succeed if you start to devote some time to it.


Chasing your dreams doesn't make you any less of a mother or a wife.


In fact, it can model confidence, adaptability and perseverance for your children.


Think about the life lesson you are teaching your kids when you decide to go for something, fail and try again. Brushing your shoulders off, while the Jay-Z song is playing in your head.


"Ladies is pimps too, gon' brush your shoulders off"


Think about the REAL LIFE education you are instilling in your children when you get back up time and time again after being knocked down over and over and over. Never giving up.


Chasing your dreams can inspire your daughter to go after what she truly loves in her life and being really fucking good at it, instead of doing what she feels like society or other people are telling her she HAS to do.


We need to start thinking of chasing our dreams as something that we are doing FOR our children and not TO our children.



Waiting until your kids are older, or out of the house, or married or when your husband is working his dream job, then and ONLY THEN will I pursue my dream....this way of thinking??! Pshhhhh....News flash my friend, it's never going to happen.


There is never going to be a "right time"


It's never going to feel "perfect"


It's going to be scary.


It's going to be exhilarating.


It's going to be messy.


It's going to be full of high's and low's.


But the point is, you are doing it.


You are teaching your children, loving your children and being there for your children NO LESS than if you had nothing to work towards.


This is what being a great parent is. This is what being a loving wife is. This is what shows those that you care about most, what it's like to be a well balanced woman who has goals in her life and isn't going to stop until she achieves them.


The ability to work towards something and still be a great mom, wife, friend, sister and daughter.


But Here's The Thing


Now, I never said it was going to be easy...


Ohhhhh no. I mean, this shit ain't for the faint of heart, I'll tell you that.


You are going to have to stay up late and wake up early.


You are going to have to be that mom at soccer practice who is checking her email and answering DM's on Instagram while all of the other moms are looking at you, like "this bitch has been on her phone the entire practice."


You are going to have to turn down girl's night because you have a deadline that you need to meet.


You are going to have to sacrifice and prioritize.


That's par for the course, my friend. That's part of the contract with this whole, living out your dreams, shit.


But. It's. All. Worth. It.


You see, these dreams. These goals. This entrepreneurial bone that God has given you. This burning desire to do something, or make a difference, or create your art or craft and share it with the world?


It's there for a reason.


Make no mistake, friend. This is not something that you accidentally stumbled upon when you were a bottle of wine in one night.


This has been put in your heart and soul for a reason. It's there for a purpose. It's a calling that the Universe is telling you to answer.


But Kristyn, what if I don't have big dreams or a giant scary goal to work towards?

I don't even know where to start...


Ambition. Ambition has to come from inside you. It can't be taught, it can't be instilled by a wise uncle of yours. You either have the drive or you don't. Ambition is the answer to why you are doing what you are doing with your life today.


Only Y-O-U have the ability to bring that ambition that's inside of you, outward into existence.


Ask yourself, what do you enjoy? And not just what do you enjoy doing with your time, what do you enjoy, period?


Whatever that is, you want to see more of it in this world and in turn, you want more people to enjoy it with you, right?


Start there.



Here's a surefire plan, melt the element that brings you the most joy in life, with your need to nurture others and a flowing plan of action...BOOM.


Congratulations babe, you have now birthed more than just children in your life. You just birthed yourself a goal. A dream.

So, how's that feel?


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